Angry Little Tank

Rants, chants and cants....all written while wearing no pants!

Name:
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Oh the humanity - enough already!!!

I think its high time somebody with a modicum of sense and taste declare a jihad against any late middle-aged actor trying to relive his glory years by putting out unwanted sequels to hits from their heyday.

Who told Bruce Willis we needed Die Hard 4.0? It sure as hell wasn't me. I mean I kind of enjoyed the first one....20 YEARS AGO, but I wasn't exactly scratching my head wondering when we were going to get another.

Of course those of us who live in Philadelphia have been aware since LAST summer that we were getting a Rocky 6. Say that to yourself out loud and let it sink in. Rocky. SIX. Apparently even one with a diminished brainpan such as Stallone realized that wouldn't work so its being called
Rocky Balboa
. Incredibly he's actually going to fight in it, not just coach as he did in Rocky 5 (you know, the shit sandwich he gave us back in 1990). Ten thousand points if you knock out his dentures!

Aside from being completely unnecessary, these movies are coming in really late after their previous franchise entry. I mean, I thought we'd seen the last of Indiana Jones in 1989, but damned if they're not hauling out Indiana Jones 4. And get this, Sean Connery is going to be in it too! Have you seen either Harrison Ford or Sean Connery lately? They look as though they look as though they're ready to have their colostomy bags changed, not swinging over bottomless chasms with a whip as blood thirsty Nazis intent on regaining ancient Egyptian artifacts (or whatever) are on your heels. I hope 20th Century Fox is current on their insurance.

The saddest of all pending sequels for a sci-fi geek like me has got to be a third installment in John Carpenter's Snake Pliskin movies, which is going to be called Escape From Earth. Escape From New York was way ahead of its time. It had everything. A post-apocalyptic sci-fi universe in which the entire island of Manhattan has been turned into a penal colony. And get this - the president's plane just crashed into it. WHOOO HOOOO!!!!! DAMN that was a fun two hours.

Then we got Escape from LA like 10 years ago. Ouch. Talk about a downer. I just sat in the theater wishing I had taken that extra bong hit that was offered wondering "Did I just see Kurt Russel surfboarding down Rodeo Drive?".

Give it a rest guys. You're just diluting whatever juice these movies had back in their day by putting out weak sauce sequels. Yes I'm sure you're getting paid, but however much it is its not worth it.

And oh yeah, after last week's incident in Melibu we may be subjected to a Lethal Weapon 5 now too. Another reason to hate Gibson.

On the upside, maybe he'll call somebody "sugar tits" in it......

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