Angry Little Tank

Rants, chants and cants....all written while wearing no pants!

Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Weekend Wiki

Okay I got lazy this weekend and haven't posted the Friday Wiki. This week in honor of my very own heightened testosterone levels we'll be taking a look at the Tour de France. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to have a 30 day bike race in France?

The Tour de France was conceived of as a publicity stunt for the French newspaper L'Auto, who announced the first race on January 19, 1903. The stunt worked as sales of the paper soared in the years following the first race.

Originally conceived as a race solely for individuals with way too much time on their hands, the race is now comprised of professional teams backed by corporate sponsors. The race course changes yearly alternating between a clockwise and counter-clockwise tours of the country. The segments of the race that go through the Alps are always fan favorites apparently.

Floyd Landis continued the recent trend of American dominance in this event, but controversy has surrounded his testing positive for "heightened levels of testosterone". Who knows what that means, but one thing is for certain. This event is way more competitive than it was initially envisioned.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Time for a new tactic

Well it looks as though another challenge to a gay marriage ban was shot down this morning in Washington State.

Unsurprisingly, the argument was similar to a recent decision made in New York state. Namely that the purpose of marriage is to promote procreation and provide homes for children. Since gay marriage doesn't do that, gays have no right to marriage.

I'm tired of begging the legislatures to give me my rights in the form of pathetic petitions or protests. I'm definitely through looking to the courts to enforce equal protection under the law. We need to come up with different tactics, ones that will show the world how contradictory and illogical these homophobic assholes are.

Here's an excerpt from today's majority opinion:

DOMA is constitutional because the legislature was entitled to believe that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to survival of the human race, and furthers the well-being of children by encouraging families where children are reared in homes headed by the children’s biological parents. Allowing same-sex couples to marry does not, in the legislature’s view, further these purposes.

So by this logic, marriage is solely for procreation. In addition, the opinion states children raised in homes headed by the the child's biological parents is the ideal.

We need to start pushing for laws that make marriage between infertile couples illegal. I plan on posting details on how we can start to make this happen here in PA in the next few weeks, but if anybody from states like CA that allow ballot initiatives easily you need to get on that ASAP. Those 30 somethings who just aren't able to conceive a kid? Guess what, your marriage is worthless. Divorce immediately and look for different partners. Marriage is for procreation only, any other definition is unconstitutional.

Any lawyers out there? Contact me I'd love to lend energy to a lawsuit here in Pennsylvania.

I also think we should push to make divorce illegal. If children should only be raised in homes with two biological parents, why are divorces so easy to procure? Let these assholes remain trapped in loveless or abusive marriages for a while, we'll see how their view on marriage shifts.

Let's stop begging for our rights and start taking theirs using their own illogical arguments against them. I'm tired of this shit, aren't YOU?

Friday, July 21, 2006

The Friday Wiki - Petarded

One of my favorite scenes from Family Guy deals with Stewie interacting with his teddy bear Rupert in the family living room. He tells Rupert "No, seriously Rupert gullible isn't in the dictionary, if you don't believe me just look it up!". After handing the inanimate stuffed animal a dictionary he then exclaims "What's that you say? Its NOT in the dictionary? Let me see that!"

He then flashes a sly grin and congratulations Rupert on a prank well played. "Oh Rupert, TOUCHE! Hoisted by my own petard" He then goes on to lament "I am SO alone"

Aside from being a hilarious scene that works on so many levels (I mean how many of us haven't felt isolated by our own genius) it brings us to a rather obscure saying. What is a petard? How can you be hoisted by it?

A petard was a medieval term for bombs used to crash castle gates. In modern times we use the phrase "hoisted by my own petard" to mean "to be harmed by one's own plan to harm someone else". The french use the term petard to mean "fart". Essentially hoisting yourself by your own petard is to be lifted up by a bomb of your own making. Shakespeare famously used the phrase in Hamlet, which gives a rather disgusting idea some semblance of respectability I suppose.

Now you know....a million bonus points if you ever get to use it replete with Stewie accent after saying "touche". Sadly, I've done this several times to people who probably had no idea what I was talking about.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

In Memorium

Everyone should take a moment today to remember Mahmoud Asgari and Ayaz Marhoni. They were two teenage boys who were executed one year ago in Iran solely for being gay.

We rightfully wail away here at ALT about the current disturbing rise of fundamentalism in this country, and the right wing shills who pander to these dangerous people. Its worth noting that people in other places are far worse off.

Here's hoping we step back from the brink. All of us. Soon.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Herr Gropenfuhrer

There have been many eye rolling cringe worthy moments these past five years.

There was the frightening footage of Bush scared witless in front of a roomful of kids on the morning of 9/11.

There was the jaw dropping arrogance of watching our President strut across an airline carrier playing dress up soldier while our media .swooned like a 13 year old girl with a crush.

Just last week we were treated to the spectacle of Bush spewing expletives with his mouth full.

But watching the president of the United States fondling the newly elected German chancellor while she winces and recoils has just shot to the top of the charts as my favorite.

Friday, July 14, 2006

The Friday Wiki

In an effort to further enhance my edification, and inspired by the Science Friday posts on the Daily Kos, I present to you the Friday Wiki. It will be a quick and simple explanation of a random topic I’ve researched on Wikipedia.

And yes, links will be included.

This inaugural post will deal with The Saxons. Yes people it’s the “S” in WASP, but what are its origins? Most people have a vague idea that it means “English” and in a way they’re right, but in another way they’re way wrong. Read on.

The Saxons were a particularly ferocious and barbaric tribe from what we now call Germany. Yes, Germany. Around the 5th century A.D. the Saxons were part of a group of Germanic tribes that were either invading or generally just migrating to the Roman outpost of Brittania, what we would call modern day England. Other tribes that joined the Saxons in this admittedly confusing endeavor (I mean what was the attraction? Sorry England) were the Jutes, the Frisians, and the Angles.

The latter tribe joined forces with the Saxons to settle/invade/pillage most of the farmlands in southern England and became known as the Anglo-Saxons. The term “English” itself is a derivation of Anglo-Saxon. The existing Britons (of Roman origin) were driven to the area we now call Wales. Three main Anglo-Saxon regions were formed to the south, east and west being called Sussex, Essex and Wessex respectively.

So now you know the origins of the term Anglo-Saxon. You also know why the Welsh consider themselves the “true” British people and proudly call themselves Welsh rather than English. I don’t speak German but those who do say that the language is remarkably similar to English. This would certainly explain why.

Now you know

Monday, July 10, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury

Thank Jeebus they didn't have this back in the day when I was pretending to be straight and treating my "girlfriends" so badly. I would have had my bullshit put on notice, like so many of these ladies are doing to their worthless ex-boyfriends.

The straight boys better watch with the cheating, lying and not putting in the cuddle time because the girls are online and will put your shit on blast and it will NOT be cute.

Look for the gay version: "Don't Date Him Boo!" soon.

Friday, July 07, 2006

No, I am NOT entertained

Apparently Russel Crowe is still taking this straight thing as far as it will go. I'm willing to put up with it a few more years in order to help his career along. I mean that beating of a hotel clerk with a phone was a PR disaster (though hot).

She can't make you happy like I can Russ. I'll leave it there, I've said enough....

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Wehret den Anfängen

Everyone who has driven through the god-forsaken state of Delaware can attest to two things:

1. Its ugly, beach areas aside
2. The people who live there are pretty fucking stupid. Did you ever see the bible guy who holds a bible over his head all day in the August sun by the side of the road? You know, for when people want to pull over and listen to some lunatic spout insanity as a break from road fatigue.

But even I didn't think these people were capable of enacting a modern day pogrom. Yes it seems that one local community decided to push religion into every facet of public life. When two families, one Jewish, had the temerity to complain the town rose up at once, pitchforks in hand, to intimidate the Jews into moving elsewhere.

My favorite part? The heckling of a sixth grade school boy:

The complaint recounts a raucous crowd that applauded the board's opening prayer and then, when sixth-grader Alexander Dobrich stood up to read a statement, yelled at him "take your yarmulke off!" His statement, read by Samantha, confided "I feel bad when kids in my class call me Jew boy."

Even better is this little gem directed at one of the female members of the family getting ready to graduate high school:

The Dobriches have a litany of complaints about the school board’s alleged promotion of Christianity, including the claim that members of Bible Clubs were allowed to jump the queue for lunch. One reported incident appears particularly egregious, concerning Samantha Dobrich’s 2004 graduation:

She was the only Jewish student in her graduating class. The complaint relates that local pastor, Jerry Fike, in his invocation, followed requests for "our heavenly Father's" guidance for the graduates with:

I also pray for one specific student, that You be with her and guide her in the path that You have for her. And we ask all these things in Jesus' name.

The family has subsequently had to move out of "Slower Delaware" two hours north to Wilmington.

Is it okay to call these people fascists NOW? How much more evidence do you need that all societal norms of decent behavior are being thrown out the window and sacrificed to the gods of hatred and intolerance? How much longer will the stupid people be allowed to run roughshod over everything we've fought for these past 200+ years? How many Americans DIED in WWII to destroy this way of thinking whose memory is now being dishonored by shrieking troglodytes emboldened by their recent successes at demonizing gays and brown people.

Wake the fuck up people. Its not a question of CAN it happen here, its happening. Which side are YOU on?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Gimme a break

Had a very nice afternoon on Saturday watching England play Portugal and then France upset Brazil. One thing I've noticed is that soccer players rival Cal State theater majors in their histrionics over perceived physical infractions.

Take this foul which pretty much cost England the match against Portugal. In my mind, Rooney stepping on this guy was an incidental accident in a fight for the ball. Then the histrionics start as Ronaldo from Portugal runs over to protest. He gets shoved and Rooney gets bounced. The wink at the end shows the world what a farce the whole thing was.

With all due respect, what a bunch of pussies. If this were rugby, that Portugal guy would have had his dick stomped twice more by his own team if Ronaldo tried any of that drama bullshit.

I'm now officially rooting for France. Just cuz I know nobody else outside of France will....