Angry Little Tank

Rants, chants and cants....all written while wearing no pants!

Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Shade Chronicles

Mooney kept the pad most of the trip so I assume these and all the ones I can't recall right now will turn up at some point, but they're too good to hold onto for any longer.

Here are the Bingham Cup 2006 Shade Chronicles, because when you have this many gay people in one place, there will be shade. Feel free to add any you feel should be included and I'll get them up ASAP.

"I gots some Casey pheremones y'all spread em around. I'm taking mine to the Eagle, I know what I'm doing!" - Malcolm after asking Casey to pee in a bottle on the train

"Yeah, thanks Malcolm" - Martino after being told for the eighth time "oooh look a plane"

"Do I need my Metrocard?" - Edwin after being told we're taking two separate trains to our destination in Chelsea

"Boo I'm top modeling!" - Q after squatting over a Poland Spring bottle. Endorsements are pending

"I love Beyonce, I'm gonna drop it like its hot for her" - Matty, who then proceeded to drop it like its hot for Beyonce

"I just want to help out the cute Aussie guys" - Chris Helms after offering painkillers to the Welsh Cardiffs

"No! No! No! Its not Minnesota its Minneapolis" - Ray while we were watching the Mayhem play

"Oh my God! Phil's dangling!!" - The entire team during Phil's zulu

"But my birthday is in January" - Coach after being presented with a birthday cake at Dallas BBQ and having the entire restaurant sing him Happy Birthday

"That was like when Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett" - Damian

"Yes Casey we know your philosophy" - Mooney in response to Casey saying "Just because you sit on it doesn't make you a top"

"Let's see her off cycle before we decide to get into it" - Malcolm in response to Martino pointing out a muscled rugger

"I just wanted to come over and see if I'm going to make out with anyone. guess not" Izzy from the Boston Ironsides sizing up some Gryphons that just didn't quite measure up.

"Uhhhh....Arnie and Crazy are asleep and I'm having sex" Matty receiving a late night phone call that he just shouldn't have answered

Monday, May 29, 2006

Sunday May 28, Final day of Bingham competition

The first game of the day was going to be against Boston around 10am. Newly schooled on how to take NYC transportation to the event, we all walked to Grand Central Station from the hotel and waited on the platform with the Ireland team. There was a little saltiness between the sleeping/non-sleeping factions of the room from the night before, but it generally worked itself out by the time we got to the pitch.

On the train we joined in with the Irish to sing an incredibly handsome member of their team "Happy Birthday". He was wearing a bright red shirt and soon his face matched it. A quick bus ride after the train and we arrived at the pitch with little fuss. It made me feel kind of stupid paying for the previous two days worth of cabs actually.

We didn't have much time when we got to the pitch so all the players immediately starting warming up. The match against Boston was a test of wills. Both teams seemed to be evenly matched. Going into the half the score was 3-0 Boston, who managed to kick one through the uprights about 5 minutes before halftime. Unfortunately neither team scored in the second half and the win went to Boston. While visions of winning our division had fueled the previous night's mayhem at Dallas BBQ, nobody was disappointed in our performance. That match, and indeed the entire tournament, could have gone either way at that point.

One small comment though, when you have a referee who is setting up a scrum after both teams and sidelines have been screaming at her "MAN DOWN!!" and pointing at the guy who's been knocked out for 90 seconds on the pitch, you kind of realize you're not getting the highest quality of referee. I'm just saying.....

Shortly after our match we learned that we would be playing Austin for third palce around 1pm. We had enough time to grab some lunch and soak in the last day of Bingham competition. Everybody was dirty, beat up and dead tired but we were still having a lot of fun.

Some weird initial drama about our respective uniforms resembling each other too much gave way to a great final match of rugby. We picked up one of the guys from the LA team who had gotten knocked out of the competition early. His name eludes me at the moment, but he's the one in the lineout in the attached photo. Thanks again mystery LA dude!

Everyone on the sidelines gave whatever was left of their voices screaming during this match. It just seemed like we always had a forward pack 5 meters before the try line inching forward. What do you do in this situation? Why yell "DRIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!" until you almost pass out and fall backwards (thanks again to that big red bear who caught me).

The game was close but the Gryphons ended up winning the match. Afterwards everyone gathered together to end the season and say goodbye for the summer. Much to my shame I started to cry. It was mainly because I hadn't gotten to play. I think the reality set in at that point. If only I had gotten my knee checked out by competant doctor sooner when I first injured it last fall. Maybe more physical therapy could have helped. I'm sure I could have done something on the pitch to the help the team and felt awful that I didn't.

Ehhh...whatever. You can box yourself in with that kind of thinking and to quote Arnie when asked why he was standing outside the smoking section at a bar "I'm better than that".

At least the New York Times photographer was there to capture my moment of shame. I mean nobody reads that paper....right?

I composed myself by walking to the beer tent with Malcolm. By the time we got back to the Gryphons tent I was okay. Everyone made plans to go watch the final match for the cup between San Francisco and Sydney. They were playing on the astroturf field we played on last fall for the East Coast Invitational. I enjoyed this field better than the crack whore nightmare that is the grass pitch NYC provides, but again I heard many complaints from the Europeans. I'm really curious to see a European pitch actually after hearing how nice they are.

In any event, the sun was brutal in the stands. The match was spent admiring the level of play that big clubs like SF and Sydney bring to the sport and trying to not die of sunstroke. When Sydney scored their first try, an Aussie streaked across the field wearing their flag. Nothing we hadn't seen at a hundred or more rugby games.

Then the drama came. An NYC queen with a high voice and an even higher sense of self importance got on the microphone and in the most impertinent tone she could muster started to soundly berate the Australians for their streaking. "I'm going to call the cops if I see any more nudity!" "I want an acknowledgement from that side of the field" "Hello?" "I said I want an acknowledgement" "Stop the match until I get an acknowledgement"

This went on for about ten minutes with the heat stroked crowd getting angrier all the time. It was around this time that I developed what had been an annoyance towards the city of New York into full blown hatred. This tired queen didn't care that the crowd was hot and getting burned. She was going to have her 10 minutes in the limelight on the microphone wielding whatever power was bestowed unto her by the tournament. Forget that every team there was running zulus all weekend. Forget that the event itself lasted like 10 seconds and was in front of a rugby crowd. No, scratch that, a GAY rugby crowd.

It was a methaphor for how the entire tournament was run up to that point with bad pitches, lame parties and absentee hosts. She's just lucky she wasn't stamping her little foot in front of me during all this as I would have gladly risked arrest to shove that microphone straight up her ass.

She never got her "acknowledgement" but eventually the match got underway again. Sydney won by about 15 points. We made our way back to the city via the special buses that had been set up for Cirque du Soleil which was occuring behind the pitch. Once again we watched the bus zip past the people waiting in line at the rugby area. Poor bastards.

We showered/changed and went to the after party. Expectations were high, but we got cold eggrolls, stale chips and salsa and an open bar consisting of Budweiser. Someone needs to explain to me why this would entail charging $65 per person to get in. I could put that on for 2,000 for under $5K easily.

Once the open bar ended at 9pm I headed outside and stayed there. Between being sad for not playing, tired from partying, and heat stroked I was beat. I smoked cigarettes and mostly kept to myself. Mooney found me at one point and we went in to have a beer. Then back outside. I could feel that I was sullen, but what are you gonna do?

Around midnight a group from the Irish team told us about a bar around the corner that had $3 beers. An alcohol buzz sounded good at that point so we gathered room #735 and the guy from LA that played for us and headed over. I think I inadvertantly offended the Irish team with a comment I made about their ability to find cheap beer. Trust me guys, I meant no offense.

We hung out there for a couple of hours with the Irish. Around 2am it was clear that Edwin had been a little over-served. Casey was holding court in the corner with five Irish guys around him clutching beer in awe. Work it Casey. Work it. Mooney and I left him to that and poured Edwin into a cab to head back to the hotel. We watched him pass out and then did one last night of partying in the elevator. At 4am we called it a night.

The whole weekend was a blast. Thanks to everyone who helped make it happen. I've never been prouder to be a part of this team.

Most fun event: Partying until 4am in New York City with my team

Least fun event: The closing party (ironically)

Best quote: "Ewww! Sore pussy, I wonder what that feels like" - Malcolm

"Yeah queen, like you don't know" - Martino

Final quote: "We'll always have New York"

Great job guys!

Saturday May 27, Day 2 of Bingham competition

We got to sleep in today. Well, until 8am anyway. Once again we cabbed it to the pitch, though now we were starting to look at how much cash was flying out of our pockets.

Again, Welcome to New York.

Our first game was against Portland. It was clear the minute the Gryphons stepped onto the field that 48 hours as a team in a strange city was having a bonding effect. Everyone played together, which is important in all team sports but seems to be particularly important in rugby (which is why its the best team sport ever).

The forwards won most of the scrums and lineouts. The backs started to settle down their passes and increase their speed. In short, those guys looked amazing out there.

The score going into the first half was 15-0 in our favor. 3 tries in 20 minutes. Nicely done guys.

The second half was a little more even sided. The day was much hotter than Friday and fatigue was definitely settling in. Each team ended up scoring a try for a final score of 20-5 (that's my recollection and I'm sticking to it). With a record of 2-1 our second match of the day was set for 4pm against the Chicago Dragons.

We had a ball goofing around in the tent all afternoon waiting for our match. The pitch directly in front of our tent was in use for the first time that day and we got to watch Manchester take a heart-breaking double overtime loss against Gotham. It was the first time I saw ruggers actually crying, but it wouldn't be the last time during the weekend.

The back of the tent turned into an impromptu massage parlor. The Nop/Ray massage session was particularly long. Anything to help out international relations in these troubled times. Everyone was silly and giggling. Those that weren't passed out anyway (though we had fun with them too as the attached picture will show).

When the game arrived at 4pm everyone was in good spirits. Once again the Gryphons rose to the occassion and won. The final score was 5-0 and was hard fought. The poor quality of the refereeing throughout the entire weekend was evident unfortunately. Several potential tries for our side were called back. One that was particularly egregious was a backwards pass to Malcolm who was wide open and eyeing the try zone. The ref called it back as a forward pass. I'm still surprised Coach John didn't spontaneously combust at that moment. Special shout out to Phil for his first try and dangling zulu.

With our day 2 record of 3-1 everyone was on that special sports high rugby gives you. Space inside cars was limited so Malcolm agreed to lead a small group of us on the bus back to Manhattan. Then we saw the line. About 500 ruggers deep. We walked across the street to see what was there and found another bus stop with about 20 people waiting at it. We caught the bus there and then watched it loop around and not pick up one damn rugger. We laughed at the time, but in retrospect it was indicative of poor planning. I mean a simple sign would have directed people to the right stop.

Again, Welcome to New York.

We got back to the hotel and showered/changed for dinner at Dallas BBQ in Chelsea. Got there around 8pm and were led downstairs to where large parties were kept. 20 Gryphons at a corner table and a bunch of barbecue loving New Yorkers. I ordered a ridiculously large margarita and got ready for the evening. A group of 8 black ladies came in and sat next to us. As the tequila started kicking in the two tables engaged in massive call outs to each other. After the meal we brought Coach a birthday cake. His birthday is in January of course, but he's done a lot of work for the team. The look on his face as they brought it out was priceless.

We went to the party the Renegades were throwing a few blocks away afterwards. I was pretty beat so I just headed back to the hotel after a drink with Casey. We saw Matt and Q outside talking to a Kings Cross player and hung out for a bit. Shortly afterwards Mooney came with his friend who lives in town. We went up to the room to mix a cocktail. Unfortunately Edwin and Casey had already gone to bed. When we started playing comedy skits off of Mooney's iPod and laughing our asses off the roommates starting to become annoyed.

We took the hint, went downstairs to finish our drinks and then went to bed.

Most fun event: Dinner at Dallas BBQ

Least fun event: Getting off Randall's Island

Best quote: "Okay she's not a whore, she's just a slut"

Friday May 26 - Day 1 of Bingham competition

The day began at 7am with only a slight hangover. We didn't really know how to navigate public transportation to the pitch yet so we just called a cab. It was $20 but quick and convenient. We got to the field around 9am and found our assigned tent. Much to our delight we found ourselves sharing an area with the Amsterdam team "Nop". We were sure this was an acronym for something, but found out later that "nop" is Dutch for the knob on cleats. Now you know.

Our first game was at 11am so the team spent some time getting adjusted to the surroundings and then getting warmed up. The first game was against Dallas. Unbenownst to me, who had joined the team in 2005, there was some sort of rivalry from the LAST Bingham Cup held in London 2004. Apparently the Gryphons won their division that year by beating the Dallas team. I thought it was kind of silly to hold a grudge, but it was an added layer of drama to the opening game and you KNOW the girls love the drama.

The Gryphons were unfortunately a little rusty and lost to Dallas by about 15 points (the exact final score eludes me at the moment). Though we had great turnout for the event, attendance at practice has been sparse this past season. It showed in this match in that the team didn't look much like a, well, team.

Not that we were EVEN going to dwell on it as we had a match with Ireland scheduled for 3pm. We wandered back to the tent and had Subway sandwiches. With the whole afternoon to kill and tired as hell, we basically just got into the eye candy parading around the tent. We also had fun cheering on our Nop neighbors. Hell at one point we were cheering on everybody who walked by our tent. As Malcolm put it "we are SO going to get the spirit stick!".

We found out shortly before the match against Ireland that one of their players had broken his femur earlier that day. The Europeans in general were unimpressed with the quality of the pitches we were playing on that day. In Europe rugby is taken very seriously. Playing on rock hard pitches with rocks and glass as we were would never happen.

Welcome to New York

On the positive side, the Gryphons came together during the Ireland match and started to look really good. We won by about 20 points, lifting our spirits a bit from the earlier day's loss.

I caught a ride back to the hotel with Brian and Will who had come up that morning. We had about a half hour to relax before we met the team down in Chelsea at Gym for drinks. We hung out there for a bit and then went to a party the LA team was throwing at the Eagle. There was food and everyone seemed really nice. More importantly, the drinks were reasonably priced. We headed back to the hotel around 11pm to engage in another round of riding the elevators back and forth from the room to the lobby with Mooney. This night we met some guys from the Cardiff team who were quite fun. Apparently a lot of guys on their team were hurt as well, but that wasn't stopping them from having a blast.

We turned in after a bit to get ready for day 2 and our match against Portland.

Most fun event: Watching the Gryphons begin to gel as a team and beat Ireland

Least fun event: Learning the complicated rules that prevent one from enjoying a smoke AND a drink at the same time in NYC

Best quote: "Boo I'm top modeling!"

Thursday Arrival at Bingham

Thursday began with an ominous sign, all trains to New York along the northeast corridor were cancelled due to a power outage on the Amtrak line. Mass panic in the form of my cell phone ringing off the hook ensued. I made some half hearted efforts to look into parking or taking the Path, but the trains were back up by 11am and by noon we were on our way.

A quick train into NYC from Princeton and soon we were at the hotel. A quick look at the beefy men with European and Australian accents and we knew we were in the right place. After a quick lunch and a shower we headed over to the opening night party at Spirit. Yeah we had no idea where it was either.

Of course this being an NYC event, they weren't ready for us. We got there at 7:15 and waited in line for an hour before we got in. Open bar from 8-10 apparently meant all the Budweiser you care to wait in a long ass line for. There was food, which ran out after feeding about 20 of us. The people who bought VIP passes at least were treated to cookies. They still had to wait in line with everybody else, wait at the same bars and eat the same food, but they got cookies.

We were unimpressed.

Malcolm and I talked to a French player for a while. His team didn't attend the event, but two members from Paris did. Malcolm was over me when I started "spitting French" and we soon migrated to the smoking section where we remained until around 11pm when we went back to the hotel. Mooney and I weren't playing the next day so we basically continued the partying by mixing cocktails and hanging out in the lobby. Arnie, Q, Matty and Crazy had an underwear party in their room. We had a blast meeting people. Well everyone except the weird gay line dancers who were also having some sort of event at the hotel.

All and all a very enjoyable first day.

Most fun event: Seeing all the gay ruggers take over a NYC hotel

Least fun event: The opening party (ironically)

Best quote: "Casey pheremones y'all...spread em around!"

Uh yeah, about that live blogging....

Just got back from Bingham Cup where the Philadelphia Gryphons took third in their division. Our tournament record was 4-2.

Turns out finding the time to blog live from an event like this is nearly impossible. I'm going to sit down right now and write up as much as I can remember for each day.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Fun though it may be

The two posts below had my sides aching this morning. Alas, as much fun as it is to point out the mendacity and stupidity of the far right whack jobs running this country, every once in a while you just need a break from it all. This is the final Philly post before I head up to NYC for the Bingham Cup

Look for live blogging from the matches with photos as well as freshly spilt tea on all the nightly hijinx.

...And speaking of lying weasels

Its finally come to this. A leading light of the Republican Party is lying to sell protein shakes

Looking up obscure passages in Leviticus about gay marriage is way too advanced for this guy. He needs to go back to the basics, like "Thou Shalt Not Lie".

Tom Delay officially a moron

Apparently Tom Delay really believes that the Colbert Nation is on his side.

Stupid AND greedy? Get in line girls I saw him first.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Console Wars...are we all losers?

So the annual gaming expo E3 has come and gone. The hype of course surrounded the next gen consoles. Xbox has already made their debut with the X360. The initial game launch lineup was pretty damn weak in my opinion, but things seem to be shaping up with Elder Scrolls: Oblivion.

Of course Sony is bringing out the Playstation 3. With the much lauded Cell processor, Blue Ray disc player and (finally) a deep online portal this is certainly nothing to sneeze at.

Nintendo is coming at ya with Wii (pronounced "we", how precious is that). This one of course has their brand new controller that promises to revolutionize how we play games. Wanna open a door, move the controller forward. Wanna swing a sword in game, brandish the controller and start swinging.

They all look good in certain respects. I'm definitely down with the Wii if for no other reason than it is backward compatible with all Gamecube games. In addition, previous titles from Nintendo history will be available for download in the unit's hard drive. Never found the secret areas in Super Mario Brothers 3? Now's your chance loser.

What's a geek to do faced with these choices?

At $599 the Playstation 3 is ridiculously priced. There's no way I'm paying that much for a console. I'll wait until it falls down in price a bit. I like that its backwards compatible with PS2 and even PS1 games (!) and their free online service promises to be every bit as robust as Microsoft's.

Another part of me is just exhausted with all the hype. A few notable exceptions aside, aren't these all basically the same? Microsoft and Sony games are virtually indistinguishable from each other. I know, I know its early but still. More WWII first person shooters, awesome guys. Halo 3 is coming, uh yeah that should be fun. Even the Wii's coolest feature of downloadable classic games is basically just a nostalgia trip.

I guess I'm taking a wait and see attitude, but if anything this year's E3 is making me lean towards becoming a PC gamer. There are great MMORPG's on the way based on Lord of the Rings and Star Trek. There are great new Macs that will run Windows and give me all that great Mac OS goodness. Why do I want to jump into "the console wars"? Unless I see some really compelling games coming forward soon, I'm afraid the answer may be "I won't".

Kitchen Begins To Take Shape

Well after an exremely busy Saturday and half the day today, the kitchen is beginning to a kitchen again. The cabinets are up on the walls and the island that will separate the two rooms is starting to take shape.

There's still plenty to do this week in terms of getting supplies, putting up the doors, ordering the granite countertop etc. etc. etc.

But you know what? To hell with all that. I'm going to eat lunch and then head over to a rugger party to get ready for the Bingham Cup later this week.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Great week for the Angry Little Tank

I started this blog just about a week ago and I have to say its been a blast! Even more amazing (and humbling) to me, people I've never met before have found it and have given me some pretty flattering feedback.

Thanks guys! You're definitely inspiring me to keep this thing (whatever it is) going.

Blogging will be light the next few days as the contractor comes in tomorrow morning to start setting up the new kitchen cabinets. Our friend Larry is coming over tonight to help us run all the new electrical wiring. I've got to run out to Ikea to exchange/replace the cabinets we need as the first purchase we made seems to have been a little off.

In short, there's a million things going on with the house.

I'll blog when I can and post pics of the progress - promise!

Keep an eye out next week for live blogging from The Bingham cup. I won't be able to play due to the knee injury, but I'll be there to cheer on the Philadelphia Gryphons and party my ass off at night.

Until then!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My Neighbors Suck

There's no secret we've been having a lot of trouble with our neighbors. Two odious lesbians moved in about 2 years ago on the next street over and immediately decided they were going to cut down the 90 foot trees behind their property on our street, lay down ugly brown gravel, and put up a chain link fence. Now they ram their Jetta into the small space. You guys uglied that up real good, thanks again.

Then there are the residents on 22nd street. They've decided that its too much hassle to keep their trash in their back area and then place it in the front of their property like normal people. No, its much easier to just place their trash in front of OUR property. The earlier on Sunday the better too, let's say around noon. Since out of sight IS truly out of mind, there clearly is no need to move the empty cans back to their property after the trash has been picked up on Monday. No, clearly its much easier to just leave them strewn across our street or in front of our property.

Well lately I've been losing it. If I come home from work on Tuesday I've been tossing the empty receptacles over the fence and into their yard. People with even a modicum of sense and conscience would take the hint and at the very least make sure their empty cans are back on their property.

Not these guys.

So anyway, Tuesday night I come home to empty cans in front of our house and just lost it. I tossed the empty cans back over the fence. Suddenly a 300 pound woman comes storming out of the house enraged. It was basically on at that point. Obscenities were traded back and forth, to put it mildly. Around the time I was telling her that her "fat ass" needed to stop putting her trash on our street she decided to pick up the trash can lid and brandish it.

Yes ladies and gentlemen I then found myself under the completely ridiculous situation of being hit with a plastic trash can lid in front of my house by a rather obese red faced woman.

I never thought I would experience the level of rage I felt at that moment. A crystalline pure rivulet of hate ran up the back of my spine and settled in the reptilian area of my brain. The little slugger must have realized what she was doing at that point because she kind of just dropped the lid, muttered "faggot" and then went back to her property. She turned around again, I looked her straight in the eye and said "bitch, get your fat ass into that fucking apartment before I call the cops and have your dumb ass arrested for assault". She took the hint.

Not my proudest moment. The sad thing is, I'm sure she's just going to keep doing it. Next step? Send a letter to her landlord (yeah she's a renter, a bonus to the entire situation) and copy the streets department. Thom's idea was to involve our block captain, but we'll see the rapture before we see any action come out of that.

To be continued

Monday, May 15, 2006

Harvard, you ain't what you used to be

There's something supremely satisfying in watching a venerable institution like Harvard laid low by the idiotic hijinks of its graduates. Remember all of the bragging back in 2000 about how we were getting the "CEO President" who was going to run the country like a finely tuned corporation with his Harvard Business School training. I bet Harvard wishes you didn't.

Now we find out that Bush's "body man" Blake Gottesman is going to be leaving behind the glamor filled days of "carrying the President's Purell" to attend Harvard Business School. Of course he never got his undergraduate degree, but damnit that won't matter a lick at Harvard - clearly the most venerable institution in the land (snicker).

There's Something About Mary

Is there anything more pathetic than Mary Cheney calling John Kerry "slime" for daring to bring up her lesbianism during the 2004 election?

For starters, you were the LGBT representative for Coors. If the cliched butch haircut wasn't tipping people off, I'm gonna guess this did. Secondly, your lesbianism was brought up in the context of refuting what your loathsome father and his little hand puppet Bush had wrought in the runup to the election by demonzing gays at every turn.

Where were you then Mary? Seething in silence in your parents' mansion? Whining to daddy about how unfair it all was, but only in the privacy of your ski villa in Jackson Hole?

Better yet Mary, tell us how you feel about having your loathsome little tribe imply that Kerry inflicted his own wounds in combat (combat Daddy just couldn't muster the balls to participate in)? Is that "slimey" sweetie? Make the stomach turn a little bit? Or is this sort of thing only bad when its directed towards the knuckle dragging cretins you call a family.

If anybody is thinking of buying this confused little brat's attempt to make one final cash in on her contradictory existence, don't bother I can sum it up for you right here:

I eat pussy. My dad's the vice president. The end.

Game Back On!

Just got back from the orthopedic surgeon concerning my recurring rugby related knee injury. Turns out there is a small tear on my cartilage, but no damage to the ligaments. The injury can be repaired via a simple surgery this coming June. I should be back on the pitch in the fall.

It was really hard having to sit out the spring season, this is some of the best news I've gotten in a while.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I don't know whether to find the Catholic Church's hysterical reaction to the upcoming Da Vinci code movie pathetic or just plain stupid.

Get it straight people! Jesus Christ was not married and his descendants do not walk amongst us today. He was born to a virgin, walked on water and arose from the dead.


Oh yeah - I'll be first in line to buy tickets on Friday. Pissing off the right kind of people can be SO satisfying.

The Droid Strikes Back (kinda)

The right wing noise machine hauled out one of their sacred cows today in the form of Laura Bush . Hey, who can't love a woman that jokes about her husband manually masturbating a farm animal right? Well, unsurprisingly she came off as alternately clueless and disingenuous.

Apparently it is beyond the realm of comprehension for her that people are mightily pissed out there and we're not all looney left wing commies ready to tear down the pillars of capitalism and install Michael Moore as czar. I mean after all, everybody SHE'S been meeting has been supportive.

"I travel around the country. I see people, I see their responses to my husband. I see their response to me," she said.

"As I travel around the United States, I see a lot of appreciation for him. A lot of people come up to me and say, 'Stay the course'."

Laura Laura Laura. Do me a favor sweetie. Step outside your bubble and engage in people who don't traffic in far right sycophantic worship for a day or two. You may find it illuminating.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Damn you vile woman!!!!

Just finished taking down our very dilapidated kitchen cabinets and generating general mayhem in the kitchen. I remember when we first bought this house three years ago we were told that we were getting a former section 8 housing unit. Of course I had no idea what the ramifacations of this might be, I was just interested in an affordable space in center city.

Then we started finding things. Vile things. Awful things. Crack burns on the plastic sink. A stove hood that looked as though it had been through a grease fire. Nastiness.

And what did we find today? Nothing less than a full blown insect Auschwitz. Thousands upon thousands of dead cockroach shells embedded behind all of the wall cabinets. Did you know cockroaches actually shit? Neither did I, but once the cabinets came down the blackened walls gave testiment to the evacuatory capabilities of our insect brethren.

This post is for you former resident Sadie and your six wild ass kids. You suck. Windex is like $2 bitch, what's the problem. Even poor folks can clean their crib when its dirty. You let this go and then skipped out. You allowed your former landlord to call an exterminator to eradicate your fifth circle of hell. Then the bodies piled up and now we're dealing with it. You are a vile nasty repugnant woman. You are most definitely NOT invited to the fabulous party we're throwing when we've installed our new kitchen.

Sadie, you are dead to me.

Welcome to the very post posting on Angry Little Tank! I've gotten the urge to write recently and lord knows I've got plenty of strong opinions so my own blog seemed like a good fit.

Also, I miss the days of "Mike's Grooves" my old internet radio station. Shortly after I was written up in the Philadelphia Inquirer the whole damn thing just collapsed. Bonus points to anyone that can name the final song broadcast. I miss connecting with people online (I mean that in a non-sexual context btw). This blog will allow me to express myself in a more traditional sense. I'm starting out here on the free site but plan to migrate this over to a Macintosh site within the next year.

Why not now? Well you need OS 10.3 That would be easy enough I grant you, but then the new Macs came out that will run Windows XP (can the apocalypse be far behind?). So now I want one of those. I'll most likely get it next spring in time for the beta testing to start on the new Star Trek MMORPG. Windows is going to turn me into a PC gamer I know it.

What will this blog be? Damned if I know. Those interested enough to find it will find postings in the coming weeks on my job search, my knee injury, my rugby mates, kitchen rennovations and lots of hot steamy sex.

And oh yeah, probably a few rants about the asshats currently running this country.